A post-graduate dilemma.

As everyone (probably) knows, I'm pregnant! Ben and I are so unbelievably excited we can hardly stand it. 7 weeks in and I find myself in a unique predicament. I'm currently deciding whether or not to be a stay-at-home-mom or a working mom.

I had a girlfriend ask me the other day if she could have my MSW if I wasn't going to use it. Ouch.

I didn't plan (necessarily) to become pregnant the month before I graduated with my MSW, but here I am! I'm extremely excited, but now without direction to a difficult question. I'll start by saying that Ben is SO supportive of whatever I decide, and does make a point to make sure I understand that it has always been his goal to work in a job that pays well so I don't have to work if I don't want to. I am so lucky to have this "dilemma" when many moms (just like mine when I was little) don't. I'm praying and praying about this decision.

Since I am currently unemployed, it would usually be the next step to apply for jobs (which I've been doing up until this point).  But now I'm getting calls for interviews. I did my best to apply for part-time and per-diem jobs since I wasn't quite sure yet, but the calls I'm getting are for full time. And I'm so hesitant it seems out of character. I'm not sure if it's because I'm sick of school and being so busy all the time. I'm not sure if it's because the house is still in boxes and generally disorganized. I hesitate, and hesitate and hesitate. If I take the jobs I'm being offered now, I stay there for 7 or 8 months before taking 12 weeks maternity leave. And then if I decide at that point I want to stay home? I've just wasted 7 or 8 months of my time, as well as valuable time and money of whatever agency kindly employed me.

Previously, the thought of being a full-time mom would have made me feel trapped and suffocated. Lately, that's how I've been feeling about working. Restrictive, pointless, tedious. And I want to be clear, restrictive, pointless and tedious for our family.  I don't pretend to know any other families as intimately as my own, and for Ben and I, the effort and logistics of me working almost don't seem worth it if I can manage the household (get laundry done, keep house clean, grocery shop, cook meals) and keep both of us feeling sane. Because right now, the house in disarray makes both of us feel insane and frustrated.

Any advice?

On an unrelated note, I stil can't get past the fact that Ben and I are going to be parents while most of our furniture is from Target and we don't have a "grown-up" bed. It's dumb things like that that I feel like NEED to be in place before baby gets here.