Two Years Ago

I married the man of a lifetime.

A man who complements my seriousness with his silliness...

in public.

A faithful and hardworking man who never gives up.

A man who I adore and admire so much, 

and who loves me completely.

I'm one blessed girl.

Happy 2 Year Anniversary, Ben. There will never be enough words.

(all new photo credit goes to Sarah Rivera Photography)

The B Word

Babies. I can't remember NOT wanting one. I grew up in a large blended family (see also "Yours, Mine, and Ours") with lots of little kids around. My youngest brother will be 11 this year.

And now I'm in this limbo state, with my poor husband who is probably sick of the "How do you think you would handle (insert baby situation here)?" Please don't misunderstand me and think I want to move on as quickly as possible from having this alone time with Ben. I treasure it and adore him in the meantime. But there's something about babies, and the way they smell, and the way they would look like Ben and I, and the way someone calls you "Mommy."

 I have developed thyroid issues that make me terrified of fertility problems and birth complications. I ask myself all kinds of "What if?" questions that are irrational and dramatic and could never possibly be answered to my satisfaction. And yet...

I know it will happen at some point, one way or another, and then I won't be able to remember what it was like before the "B" word. But I can Facebook-Baby-Stalk all of my friends until then (right?).

How about y'all? Are any of you experiencing the same thing? Can anyone remember feeling this way? Any suggestions to stave off this crazy yearning??

(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman OR How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Stopped Taking Yasmin.

Soooo...BIRTH CONTROL. I'm going to go ahead and warn you now that if this subject makes you squemish, you need to stop reading here. Really. There is no other topic discussed here. Stop it.

Okay. So two years ago (6 months before my wedding) I started taking Yasmin, thinking an oral contraceptive would be the most logical choice. Here, in no particular order, are things that have developed in my life since that time: I've gained 10 pounds, I've started having anxiety attacks, I've started having heart palpatations and my acne has gone away. All but the last haven't exactly been enjoyable.

Last week, Ben and I had a long discussion and decided to stop oral birth control for one reason: the anxiety attacks. It's really unusual for me to have such a low stress tolerance, and it can be one of the side effects of Yasmin.

Another reason we discussed was more on my end. Let me be clear:  I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A BABY RIGHT NOW. I like SLEEP, eating when I want to, being able to go to the gym whenever, doing whatever, whenever. Especially since getting the schedule for Grad school. That would be enormously foolish of me. Also, I'm not into tricking and manipulating my husband into doing things I want to do. I'm not a psycho.

The reason was this: I've never felt comfortable taking Yasmin. I don't like the idea of taking artificial hormones into my body. It creeps me out. And the coorelation in some studies with different cancers, I'd just rather not take the chance when there are so many other choices out there for us. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about our decision because while some people might think other methods are foolish or taking too much of a chance, I can more than assure you we are covered, but more than that I can assure you we don't care if you don't like it. Know why? Because it's our decision. BOOM. TRUTH BOMB.

And you know what? I'm pretty proud of myself, for making a decision that may not be popular but is my own conviction. Who knows? Maybe when Ben and I do decide to start a family, we'll opt for waterbirth. Not.